Monster in me

I look at my reflection and don't see myself,

I see all of them who made me.

You slam your body against me

Reminding me I'm alive.

The monster in me is always hungry,

and remember I'm just few steps behind you.

She came for the monster in me.
I touched him.
Twisted his stars within his shadows.
I had become her nightmare.

But little did she know,
She was looking for a twig in the forest.

Better a Monster, than an Arrogant God

Bleach Me Clean

When I was little my Mum called the bumps in the road sleeping policemen.

Early one morning I went out frantic with a spade,

Tried to crack the cement where I thought they were buried.

My spade couldn’t slice through the concrete, 

And I imagined them struggling to breathe under the ground.

I spent hours crying because I knew what it felt like to be trapped as well.

 

Every week my Dad took me swimming and I let my body float.

It was the place I could be a paradox:

By that I mean Holding my breath was the way that I knew how to be alive,

By that I mean That I was a graph looking for my coordinates

By that I mean I was a sky looking for my constellations I was just a person.

 

I was looking for you

The only way for the ache to stop

Was when my lungs turned static in the blue.

 

Now I am older,

my body sings when it is submerged

I am underwater:

Being with you is like;

Diving underwater and the Blue is impossible and the blue it surrounds me:

And the chlorine burns my eyes- And bleaches me clean.

 

Losing Fear

I was taught to mold words 

which were not to be spoken off.

I used to breathe those dejected words 

to my lungs in and out.

My mouth is against a war with the ribs. 

Now I speak, but my hands are still trembling.

 

I had broken my bones,

bend them to stars and then the shape of the sun.

They were so beautiful,

I then turn them into stone walls

just to know that they are strong. 

 

I cracked the glass against the wall.

The shards of my heart, sharp edged with glory.

Mismatched, mistaken and mislead.

I am whole, apart and in-between.