I am....

I am what I am.
I don't need a certificate from you,
of what I am or I should be.
I am my choices.
I am my situations.
I am my dreams.
I am my decisions.
I am what I always wanted to be.
I have lived a whole life to be who I am.
You cannot. Let me repeat myself.
YOU CAN NOT decide who I am. Okay!
I may change for someone, one day.
Then somebody else will come,
And want me to change,
And I might change myself,
But then I'll not be "me'.
This world will never settle on something.
People will keep labelling others.
They'll keep asking me & you to change.
But you must know who you are.
And stick to that.

Today, I miss YOU !!!

You are the first thing on my mind,
as I wake up this morning.
You have not been on my mind or in my heart,
For a long time now, but today,
Lying in the bed we once shared...

I wish your legs were intertwined with mine;
your feet on top of my feet,
your knees bent towards me,
feeling the warmth of your skin on mine.
I lay on the side of the bed,
that was once yours and with my eyes closed,
I can feel your arms around me,
holding me close,
As your morning body heavily settles against mine.
Your face snuggles into my neck,
& the sigh you give every morning,
comes alive in my memory.
Barely awake, I feel you squeeze me,
making me feel safe and protected,
in our home, our bedroom and in your arms.
I miss you today.

Standing alone in the kitchen,
I suddenly crave breakfast food.
I think back to the Sundays,
we would throw on whatever clothes happened to be closest to us,
and get in the car, headed toward breakfast tacos.
We would call your parents from the car,
& make funny faces as they went on and on about the latest family gossip. Sometimes we would sit in silence,
& other times I would talk and talk about nothing in particular,
but you would smile…
Because we were together,
& we were happy just being close to each other.
I miss you today.

Outside the air is perfect,
the sky above is blue with scattered clouds,
& there is a slight breeze against my face as I walk to the car.
It makes me miss your hands;
their smoothness, the security they represented,
& the way one would always grope around from the drivers seat,
Until it was safely entwined with mine.
I loved the way you would grab onto me,
As if you were afraid of losing me.
I miss you today.

I drive past places,
we used to go together & begin thinking of things,
We could do if you were here.
Instead of being in the car,
I’d still be in bed.
We’d be sleeping in without a care in the world.
Our bodies would be close.
Your heartbeat would vibrate,
against my face as I’d lay my head on your bare chest.
When we’d get hungry enough to pry ourselves out of bed,
we’d make a fatty, delicious breakfast in the kitchen.
Together.

If feeling energetic,
We would visit open houses & plan our future as we toured each one.
Or we would just lay on the couch & watch a game.
Your head would be in my lap,
As I’d move my hands through your rich black hair,
until you close your eyes with satisfaction.
I would feel you adjust your body,
as you’d indicate where you’d like to be massaged next.
We would settle into each other without a worry or a care,
because we’d know, no matter what,
that we would always be together.
I miss you today.

But today you have a new life.
You have a new Sunday routine with someone else.
Maybe it’s better.
Maybe it’s not.
It’s just no longer with me.
Maybe you miss me at times.
Maybe you want to wake up with me at times.
Instead we have gone our separate ways.
Instead we found that we did not work well together.

Today I miss you,
But I also feel hopeful;
Hopeful that soon I will have a new Sunday routine with a man,
who I can feel both happy & comfortable with.
Maybe he will help me forget about you.
Maybe there will be days just like today,
When I will wish I were still waking up with you,
Embraced by love we once shared.
As for now,
We’re finding our own path without each other.
And with each new day that passes,
I think of you less and less.
But today...
I miss you !!!

Desire

I will save you
And you will save me too...
Not with words or music....
We will do this !
Crawl out from this place we're in,
by breathing life back,
Into each other's lungs.
Each day by furiously,
Pounding our hearts against the world,
As one untill the whole damn thing,
is painted red hot and wet with desire...