There are times, terrible times.
Times when you feel so terribly alone,
That you get scared.
Your heart sinks,
Legs tremble, and words come distorted out of your lips,
You bang in people while walking on a street,
You hear nothing but your own despondent heartbeats.
You want to cry but you become angry instead.
The aloofness makes home inside you,
You want to run away,
But you are pulled inside.
It's like an elastic string,
encompassing your heart,
your innate soul,
making it bounce back to the place,
a place where illusions fade.
You want to make your mind work,
but only the stinking smell of your rage retains there.
Everything is foggy, misty and scary,
Because what you can't see subsumes evil sometimes,
That is in you, hidden.
And at those times,
Nothing feels right,
Not even your existence.
Not that the evil is bubbling up in you,
But you're sinking into it,
Losing yourself in disdain.
But you're a puzzle meant to be solved,
Only by you.
You lust people all your life,
To arrange the pieces but they scatter the already arranged.
And by the time you realize your mistake,
You're too tired to pick up the pieces,
And put them in order,
You live scattered always,
Because you cherish being scattered,
Being messy, being weird.
And once you fall in love with the chaos,
Ringing day and night inside you,
The scattered puzzle does no harm,
But the pieces are suffused together with love,
Self love......
Because you're no one but you.....
